The meteoric rise of the gallimaufry of Linux users and developers known as the "Linux Coalition" has today peaked with the completion of a takeover bid for Apple. Self-styled CEO of the Coalition, Eric S. Raymond, explained to journalists how the users of a free operating system were able to raise the money: "for a start, we have a lot of money left over from not having to spend out ridiculous amounts on second rate OSes. Secondly, we found quite a bit of spare change down the backs of our sofas".
But why did a community so complacently zealous about its own software need to buy out one of the world's largest computing firms? "Well", commented Bruce Perens, "we had this slight problem in the UI deparment. I have to go now." One of the biggest obstacles to GNU/Linux uptake was also its greatest advantage, that of its relative diversity and therefore lack of settled UI development. With this bid, it's possible that Linux may have accomplished the biggest step on its way towards world domination.
As one of the first effects of the takeover, Apple, now to be renamed Lapple (properly pronounced "lappel", and with a comical French accent), is to stop experimenting with BSD as the basis of its OS X operating system. Richard Stallman takes up the reins of the horse of explanation: "we noticed that BSD has a levenshtein distance of only one from LSD, which is proof enough that it causes significant tripping. The Berkeley association need hardly be mentioned." Certainly one would need to be "tripping" to write the copious amounts of documentation inherent to BSD systems, and the excellence of this move cannot therefore be understated.
Steve Jobs was too busy pieing himself repeatedly in the face, to show that he's more of a man than Bill Gates, to comment.